Subjective Objectivism

People, Santa is NOT subject to the laws of physics.

I recently read a rather cold and scientific review regarding the physics involved with Santas yearly trek of benevolence around the world:

Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Santa Claus’s route around the planet includes stops at 2.5 billion homes, assuming that children of all religions receive a present from the jolly man in the red suit, Anders Larsson of the engineering consultancy Sweco told AFP.

“He has 34 microseconds at each stop” to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh, Larsson said. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Which makes the feat all the more amazing, bless his big jolly red heart!! Then you read things like this:

Another report circulating on the Internet suggested however that Santa’s sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. – [Yahoo/AFP]

Wait, whut!? Blasphemy! Santa does NOT get incinerated by the speed of his own present laden sleigh!! If he gets incinerated, how exactly does he deliver all of his presents? Hmm? How about answering that question with your precious kangaroo “Science”, ya grinch-like, little weirdo eggheads!?

The answer is simple. But these so called “scientists” are too blinded by their “scientific research” to see the truth. But luckily for you, I know how it all works, and I’ll let you in on it. Santa is not affected by aerodynamic resistance. He uses a combination of wormholes and time dilation technology, to effect his yearly philanthropic pilgrimage. There, you blasted heathens. Put that in your research pipe and smoke it…

OH and BTW, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Santa Claus is coming to town — for 34 microseconds – [Yahoo/AFP]

Tags: Christmas, Humor, Physics, Presents, Santa Claus