Homeless
Squatting Burglars…
I mentioned a couple of posts ago the recent trend of burglars making themselves at home in the homes they are burgling. Well it appears that a few burglars have taken the next logical (?) obvious step:
Kim Ledford returned to her home after an extended absence and found a strange man in her bed and a woman wearing her clothes. Then another man walked up to question why she was in his house. – [Yahoo/AP]
Well pluck my hair and call me a mole rat! I do declare them burglers have cohones of titanium!! Now I could be wrong, but I think ’tis rare to have a burglar move into someones home, and then have the brass to grill the owner when they return home!
I mean, come on people. If you’re squatting in a home that you had to break into, you’ve gotta know it isn’t yours, and if the homeowner comes home, arguing with them isn’t exactly going to help your case. If fact in some cases it might get you shot.
In the cave I call home it would probably get them mauled to death by a bear. Or killed by a squad of highly trained, cybernetically augmented combat gophers. Ya know, I think I need more laid back friends. It’s all that freaking combat training. Gets them all wired…
Burglars move into Alabama woman’s home – [Yahoo/AP]
Free room, board (and laundry) for hobo and forest friend alike…
I’ve been noticing an unusual trend in modern day home invasions lately:
Appleton police received a call Wednesday of a burglary — not of valuables but of food.
The burglar apparently entered the unlocked apartment and walked away with a pizza, six eggs, a can of beef ravioli, a can of peaches and one chicken-and-broccoli Hot Pocket, authorities said. – [Yahoo/AP]
Score! Whoo boy! Somebody’s gonna have a feast tonight!! Honestly, I pray that I never get desperate enough to walk into someones home and steal dinner. And a little breakfast. And most definitely not Hot Pockets…
This next one is awesome. In a narcoleptic kind of way…:
Police say a man returned to his apartment last week to find an intruder napping in his bed. The accused burglar, Mark William, didn’t wake up until police placed handcuffs on him while he was snoozing. – [Yahoo/AP]
Or it’s just plain dumb. Yep. Break into someones home, and the proceed to take a siesta. Brilliant Idea. He must of thought he was Goldilocks. Come to think of it, Goldilocks was a freakin’ burglar! She certainly fits the profile. Breaking and entering, petty theft, even checks out the furniture, probably to see if they were worth anything, and falls asleep.
Maybe that what got this dude in trouble. Bad Bedtime stories. A little golden haired burglar role model. Except without the three bears. Or the porridge. And he forgot that bears don’t call the police. Waking up to find himself in the proverbial “braces” had to suck. That’d be a wake up call for real. We really need to revise some of our old bedtime stories!!
The next one is just classic:
Ethel Sanders told people she heard noises in her laundry room and found a man standing in his underwear near the washing machine when she went to investigate, police spokesman Officer Eric Gallichant told the Press-Register. – [Yahoo/AP]
I can only imagine what this guy was thinking: “Hey, there’s nobody home! And look! I’ve got a set of dirty clothes! Let’s do some laundry!” Brilliant!! Didn’t even check to see if anyone was home. Heh. I mean seriously, if you’re gonna be standing in someone laundry room in naught but your tighty-whiteys, ya might wanna make sure nobody’s there to walk in on you with a firearm. Just a thought…
But you know what’s even better? When the burglar isn’t even human…:
A man awakened by a bump in the night went to investigate and found an intruder, but it wasn’t a burglar. Instead, Blaine Harling found himself face to snout with a black bear that had come in through an open window.
Yikes!
“He walked into the kitchen and it was just standing there, about three feet away, in front of the refrigerator,” Harling said. “So he grabbed the first thing he could which was a shampoo bottle, or a lotion bottle, something like that, and he whipped it at the bear and then he took-off back down to basement.”
Umm, yeah. A bottle of lotion is a great black bear deterrent…
Jill Harling said her grandson created more of a mess by splattering the lotion bottle off the bear’s head than the bear did. She and her husband, awakened shortly after 1 a.m. by their grandson, reached the cabin by about 6 a.m.
“It moved a few things around, ate a few muffins that were left out, pulled the garbage out and spread it around, and left nose and paw prints on mirrors and the TV., but there was no real damage,” said Vic Harling. “It was amazing really. It didn’t even knock over lamps near where it came in.” – [Yahoo/AP]
LOL, imagine that! The human made a bigger mess than the bear! Though you gotta wonder what that bear was doing at the mirror and TV. Had probably snacked on the muffins, checked his biceps/abs in the mirror, sat down and watched some “NYPD Blue”, then skedaddled when he heard the cops roll up?
I’m betting this bear was one of the ones that Goldilocks burgled. Payback sucks don’t it!! 
! OK, I’m making it official. If my home is ever to be burgled, I would prefer that it be by a black bear. Bears like caves anyway. It’ll probably feel so at home, it will fall asleep on my bed after eating up everything in my cellar. But at least it will take out the garbage for me before it leaves…
- Burglar steals food, leaves valuables – [Yahoo/AP]
- Man finds intruder napping in his bed – [Yahoo/AP]
- Woman, 81, shoots homeless ‘washer’ – [Yahoo/AP]
- Teen encounters black bear in kitchen – [Yahoo/AP]
The “Plight” of the Homeless…
Why are homeless people homeless? Is it because they are unemployable? Lazy? Have other physical, psychological conditions that prevent them from getting a job? Or is it because they’ve already found a career they like… Being homeless. Every homeless person usually has a reason for their homelessness, however it appears that if you don’t mind living in a cardboard box, or standing out in the sun all day, it might be a… well… rewarding experience:
Social workers in Paris were astonished to find more than 68,400 euros (94,250 dollars) on a homeless woman when they moved her off the street last week, police said.
The woman, named only as Denise, 66, had lived on the streets of Paris’s chic 15th arrondisement for 10 years but authorities moved her pitch on July 6 because she was dangerously close to a wall found to contain asbestos. – [Yahoo/AFP]
Now we don’t really know how this lady came by her stash, however I am told that, depending on where they are, what spots they pick, how they “set up” etc., homeless people can actually do well off the generosity of strangers. There is, perhaps, more to this homeless beggar thing than is immediately apparent. I have observed several homeless folk around the area I live, and have noticed an interesting pattern. The same people tend to appear at the same, high-traffic spots on specific days and at specific times. They never move far from the most highly trafficked areas. It is almost as if there is a rotation going.
And then you read stories like the ones here and here, and you realize that some homeless folk are homeless simply because they want to be. For them, being homeless is just as much a way of life as holding down a 9-to-5. That’s not to say it’s an easy life style. I don’t think standing out in the sun all day would be a fun exercise. At least not for me anyway. But nonetheless it puts the whole homeless thing in a different light doesn’t it…? I might get a permit and give it a shot…
Homeless Paris woman carried nearly 70,000 euros – [Yahoo-AFP]
Panhandlers might have more cash on hand than you do – [Action News 5 (Memphis)]
How much money do beggars make? – [The Straight Dope]
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